Thinking Through Islam and Quran
There's nothing about pedophilia in 33:49 or 65:4, girls can even beginning menstruating after 14 years old. Also 33:49 specifically says women with whom the man has not had intercourse, nothing about the age of the woman. It means he can change his mind about staying married to her before the wedding and so on.
On this point:
- Muslim men can marry pre menstruating girls, such as girls who are teenagers but have not started menstruating yet. There are some women who never menstruate, such as women who are born without a womb.
- Divorce can happen before or after consummation of the marriage.
- The wedding can happen before or after consummation. This is the wedding party to celebrate the Nikah (wedding contract). Most Muslims wait until after the wedding party or celebration to consummate the marriage, but if they don’t wait, they are not doing something haram or sinful.
- There is no dating allowed in Islam or before-marriage relations in which a couple are left alone at any time. They may meet each other in their families’ homes or with a chaperone, but shouldn’t really go out in public together without a proper chaperon, such as a parent.
- It is interesting to note that verse 33:49 shows that marriage to a girl/woman before her menstruation gives the reason that Islam hasn’t prohibited marriage to pre menstruating girls or women. It is known that some girls don’t menstruate until after 13 years, some until 17 still haven’t had a period. Therefore, if marriage was prohibited to women based on the presence of menstruation or not, then some women might never be able to get married, also some girls would have been prevented from marrying men they prefer, such as a cousin, who might then marry another girl instead of her. This would be unfair to some girls or women. I will write later on this topic in more detail, insha allah. (the benefits of early marriage in ancient Arabian society, included).
- It’s a fact that today medicine has advanced so that we now can determine whether or not a girl is actually delayed in her period, or if she in fact will never have a period at all, which is rare, but does happen. In ancient times, people couldn’t determine this, so the only way to know if a girl would have children was to wait for her period, or to marry her and then divorce her later if for example she couldn’t get pregnant later on. Then a man could marry another woman to have children with. Polygamy is better than divorcing his first wife, in my humble opinion.
- There is no verse in the Quran stating that it is preferable to marry pre menstruating girls, or that it is better to marry young girls as opposed to mature women or even divorced women or widows. In fact, men used to marry women who had previously been married and had children, because they wanted to have children and such a woman would be a good candidate to have more children quickly. (Many men used to inherit women (in the pre-Islamic era), so that they could take care of their brother’s or father’s children, etc. or because of desire, and so on - that was a custom of the age, which Islam eliminated).
- Allah didn’t prohibit marriage to any one in particular except those people with whom it would be unnatural, such as sister, mother, and mother-in-law (if the man had consummated the marriage with the daughter of this woman). Nieces, or half-sisters and aunts and grandmother also are forbidden categories.
- It is actually encouraged by the prophet, SAWS, to marry someone from a distant family or distant people, so that the family bloodline will have new blood introduced.
It is understood by Muslims that if there is too much intermarriage (to cousins in a family) that children would maybe be less healthy, and suffer some kind of genetic or other problems E.g. mental retardation.
- Mixed marriages also are not discouraged, in obvious language.
- Similarities and interests are stressed however. As well as religious background or practice.
A hadith of the Prophet states that spouses in Paradise will be of similar age.
This means that the believers who reached maturity in the earthly life will all be the same age in Paradise; only the servants of the people of Paradise will be youths, those who were children of the believers who died while babies or in pre adolescence or prepubescent children (Allah knows best) and are thus entered into Paradise based on the fact they died while children without proper understanding or responsibility for their actions. Similarly, it is believed or taught that mentally retarded adults also will be entered into Paradise by Allah’s mercy.
A final important note regarding pre Islamic and Islamic beliefs, is that there was no concept of “adolescence” in either pre Islamic or early Islamic society, therefore marriage was regulated by families and societal norms; the society permitted marriage to girls deemed appropriate, either because they were regarded as mature enough or because of other circumstances;
The Prophet Muhammad, permitted the marriage of his own daughters when they had reached puberty e.g. Fatimah married Ali at age 15, or 16, he was 20. Ruqaiya, Umm Kulthum, Zaynab and another daughter, whose name I can't remember (revise - add details) were married before the migration, two of them married a second time, after their divorce from relatives who were non-Muslims, at the time of the Hijra to Abysinia. I believe they were all older than Fatimah. He had three sons who died in infancy, and was very close to his daughter Fatimah, RA. (Zaynab is the name of one of his daughters not to be confused with Zaynab bint Jahsh his cousin, whom he later married after her divorce from Zaid bin Harith.)
Based on the fact that Islam requires a girl’s acceptance before she can be engaged, if she is not fit to give her own opinion on a marriage she should not be engaged. If a mentally retarded girl desires marriage, she could give her consent, and it has been the practice in Arab societies that both men and women who are mentally retarded are permitted and even encouraged to marry. Young people are not discriminated against, solely because of a slight mental retardation or mental or physical handicap. There was no proposed forced sterilization of mentally or physically handicapped people in Arab societies, while this was done in the West, due to peoples’ unwillingness to deal with the children of such people or fear of what the consequences would be for the families when one or both are mentally retarded.
Since a girl’s consent is required, one would think that the girl would be mature enough to decide for herself whether she desired a certain marriage partner or not. This is the case today in most Muslim-majority societies. Sadly, there are cases when girls are forced to accept marriage, but that is not sanctioned in Islam.
Coming next: How Islam Promoted the Rights of Slaves
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