Why I Raise My Children Without Christmas

This is my response to the article chosen by CNN for the best list in 2013, "Why I Raise My Children Without God".

1. God is not a “bad parent”. He is omniscient, all powerful; He is the Lord of the Worlds.

It is common for western people, and maybe others too around the globe, to compare God to people. But God isn’t a person, nor is He anything like us.

God gave us books, and sent messengers who would teach us right from wrong.

2. God doesn’t tell us to lie. It was the mother who wanted to lie, as she points out. She was the one who was weak and needed to learn that her son can understand and learn; it was her duty to learn how to be strong enough not to lie about her own beliefs. All parents make the mistake in thinking that their children can’t handle things, whether the news about Santa Claus or the fact that millions of children live in poverty or are starving in some parts of the world. Life is tough.

But teaching that she doesn’t believe in God, is her right as her son is hers. Others of course will disagree, but that is basically the law. But it isn’t natural not to believe in God, just the opposite. That being said, I don’t expect that most people will hide their true feelings or beliefs from their young children forever. Eventually, like the mother of the article, they find others also who can share a similar experience. It isn’t any more difficult for atheists to tell what they believe than it is for others. I think this is a woman who was able to manipulate opinion and get a mediocre article published and even rewarded. (CNN didn’t do a good job choosing this article, in my opinion. Many readers said as much, maybe differently than I would)

Racists or Islamophobes also teach their “world view” to their children, but that doesn’t mean that they are right. It just means that they are free to do so.

3. God doesn’t tell us to ignore reality. The woman writes, “How many times have you heard, ‘How did God allow this to happen?’ and the answer is “’It’s not for us to understand’”,  she writes. But the truth is - that is the reaction of many confused believers, agnostics, Christians, or others; not all of the people on earth, though maybe a good deal many.  

Muslims don’t think this way, and maybe Hindus or Buddhists also have a unique perspective. Whatever one believes, blaming God is popular, because that is the idea that has spread, and largely through the fault of Christianity. Christianity teaches that God sacrificed his son, so that we could have eternal life (if we are Christians). Not all religions give us this easy “cop out” or easy way out of our religious responsibilities. Muslims believe that they can also go to “hell” if they don’t believe and act properly according to their religion’s teachings. Or for things like missing prayers, watching improper movies or television, fighting with siblings, and all the things one can think of are considered "bad".

I believe all religions do teach responsibility in day to day activities, however. It is wrong to assume that Christians are not responsible parents or citizens, just because they believe in a savior. It is important to note the difference between their idea of a forgiving God (and a "saviour") and their idea of brotherhood with the commonly "good" outward expressions of their faith (like charity, modesty) which are in themselves justly called admirable.

God doesn’t tell us to be lazy or let bad things happen. When we are able to, we have to take responsibility for our welfare, our children’s’ and neighbors welfare, help our relatives, friends, neighbors, and help out in the community if we can. That is what most religion really focuses on. So it isn’t fair to blame God or religion when people and communities do not take care of their own, or when disasters happen. Sometimes, these are preventable, or we must be ready for any situation, such as natural disasters, on a national scale, and nothing prevents us from doing “good” except our own laziness, or selfishness.

This is a world where God created us to work, not to relax or take it easy; it is His will that we try our best as in a race, to fulfill our duty as the vice-regents on this earth, so that we can earn His pleasure in the next life. In doing good, we are earning points for later, while advancing our good in this life and helping others to advance their goals, too. Life is a struggle, and not a picnic.

Your destiny and your future:

People who believe God should make our lives easy and simple do not understand life and the possibilities. Yes, bad things happen, too. But God doesn’t tell people to hurt other people. People do bad things because they are evil, or they don’t care about others, and so on.

Thus, God doesn’t require or ask us to “abdicate” our responsibilities. No religion should teach such an idea, unfortunately, that is in a way what Christianity and the idea of a “savior” have given the world. No wonder people are confused. It is however very simple minded to blame God for this. It is the people who wrote the book or corrupted the message who are mostly to blame for this situation and despise of God and religion. To be fair, the idea of a savior isn’t the only teaching in Christianity, there are many beneficial and good teachings nothing to do with the central ideology of Christ and the resurrection or (the other) more otherworldly teachings.

4. God isn’t here, no. God is not in this world, or in the universe, but is “above the throne”.

The fact that Allah exists, and does as He wills is enough of a “logical answer”.

What is illogical about suffering? Isn’t it true, if you clumsily allow your hand to touch the hotplate or a fire, that you will burn it and feel the pain? Isn’t it logical, that if you let your child play with toys, he might fall down, or hurt himself, somehow? Isn’t it logical that pollution we cause by burning fossil fuels, or driving our cars, because it is faster than walking to work, is our fault, and not God’s fault. But do we take responsibility for many of our actions? Do we stop flying because it is disastrous for the environment, or do we fly because we want to see our family on holidays, and it is quicker than driving halfway across the country, or travelling by horse and buggy halfway around the world? What is logical isn’t always what the best thing is it?

5. Psychologists teach that if a child is rewarded after he has done good, without any promise of getting rewarded, then the reward is good for him, he realizes that he has done good and gotten a reward. But after a while don’t you think children know that they will get a reward at least sometimes or a nice trip as a “surprise” even though they didn’t ask for or “expect” it. Sure, kids learn fast. But bribing children is wrong, so we don’t give them the reward before they do the thing - that earns the reward - of their own volition. Sometimes parents make mistakes, and they are tired, so they give in to bribery, though they know it’s wrong.

Religions also teach that good has its own reward. It isn’t as if waiting for a lifetime to go to heaven is going to be an immediately gratifying and therefore overwhelmingly attractive offer to young children. We teach them, as religious parents, that God rewards for good, but having to wait a long time will become boring and of course children would then lose interest in doing good – the same could happen to adults, too. This is why all parents, - whether religious or not - teach their children that doing “good” is what is the right thing regardless of what they receive or what it costs them personally. Sometimes doing “good” is costly. Don’t religious people give charity, or alms? Isn’t that money they part with willingly? People teach their kids that there are more important things than money, or owning things, and that sharing, giving, helping out and so on, are all good things, and make us feel good.

The immediate reward is most always something positive, makes us feel happy, and isn’t something tangible. So it is a fallacy to say that God doesn’t teach “good”. Also, religions are basically good, though some of their teachings have been corrupted. Christianity is one in point.

6. As a religious person, I have never once told my children “God has a plan for you”. This woman assumes that all religious people believe and say the same basic things. I think most religious people are well meaning, just as the woman says she is well meaning in not telling her child God exists, because she doesn’t want to lie to him. But it is wrong to assume so many things about all religious people and that all religions teach the same basic things.

We are responsible for our own destinies, to do our best and to expect the best. Yes, God might well have a “plan” as she puts it, but we don’t know what that is, so we are the ones who must decide our destiny and plan our futures. We are our own masters in that sense. That doesn’t seem like narcissism does it?

We strive and then “hope” for the best. Sure, the outcome isn’t always what we would have liked, or the best outcome, but that doesn’t mean God doesn’t know what will happen. He is the all seeing All hearing. That being the case, He answers our prayers “sometimes” in this life, and other times, He promises us better than what we asked for, such as the tremendous rewards for our patience, in the Hereafter, if our lives were not so great, or didn’t work out exactly the way we wanted, so it is the case for most others people. Only a few people never experience great loss or pain in their lives before they leave this earth, and fewer still never lose loved ones in a real “tragedy”. Most people have their share of good and bad times, ups and downs, health and sickness, etc. Most people, until this millennium, have outlived their parents but not their children. At least in the western world. It is interesting then, that it is mostly western atheist people who complain the most about “God not being fair”. Well, they have not seen most of the suffering, which even their own governments have caused, so they should not even dare to mention the “suffering” or what is “fair”, without first taking stock of what they have done to either prevent or reprimand their own government, or challenge the status quo. It is a fact most of the wealth is in the hands of a few, and that no one is forcing atheists either, to see that others be able to share that wealth, or at least refuse industries to pollute in their backyards, while America and others are outsourcing work to poorer countries, etc. Most problems are not something even true atheists can use to point at  and say is any “god’s” fault. It is even hypocritical for them to blame religious people's "god" or "gods" for troubles from murder or genocide, to earthquakes and tsunamis, when these are out of all of our control, and if religious people could prevent these, they would like to just as much as the atheist. It is true, that some things, religious people also blame on atheists or "sinners" anyway. AIDs, or other diseases, or catastrophes.

If being logical is what matters, it is logical that a "god" who is seen by many believers as a "parent" or "angry" might indeed want to destroy much of humanity for its sins. The fact that the same "god" is also "loving" seems contradictory to the atheists or non-believers. But believers often do not have the same problem with this perception. They believe, as Muslims do, that God does what He wills and His decisions are just.

Whether believer or non-believer, each person will have to deal with life and happiness and sorrow often happen to each of us regardless of our outlook or beliefs. Even negative people often experience happiness, and positive people often experience sadness or tragedy. That is the human condition. We are created human, not supermen, nor angels. To expect perfection is stupid, to reach for it is human. We know we can’t be perfect people, and our children can’t be perfect, nor can life be perfect. But, most of us can live with the fact that life is what it is and we are here whether we like it or not. It is better to learn to rely on ourselves, and also trust that friends relatives and our closest loved ones will be there for us, if not, then we already have learned that we must largely rely on ourselves to help ourselves. We have learned that life is really a struggle, and not a picnic.

The meaning of Hope:

Religion does teach us to trust and rely on others. By learning trust, we also learn hope. Hope isn’t just an idea or an intangible, but is something we come to see as real and something we can expect will lead to tangible outcomes.

You have a dream, or a hope, you strive, and then you see, sometimes in the near or a more distant future, the result of hope and trust and striving. That isn’t “believing in ‘nothing’”. That is belief in a - real and immediate sense - in good and in the goodness of the world. The world isn’t all evil or perfect evil doesn’t exist.

Religious people do live in the “here and now”:

Heaven is not meant to be an idea that gives us hope or meaning. It is meant as a reward; likewise Hell is meant as a punishment. The real test is here and now, and the here and now is always the focus of Islam’s teachings. I cannot speak much for other religions. But I don’t think Christianity puts the same emphasis on the here and now as does Islam. I never felt that way as a young person, growing up Christian.

The fact that we can’t see or touch something doesn’t mean it isn’t there. The proof will be in the pudding, but not here and now. It isn’t however something which everyone wants; it is each person’s choice to believe or not to believe. Religions are not forced on people anymore at the point of a sword (and not in Islam), but maybe governments sometimes force schools (or public schools) to teach religions which don’t belong in secular society, or in public institutions. As for Islamic society, what is permitted is also the choice of the rulers or people, their own choice - often a cultural or religious history exists which lends itself to a more accepting attitude toward religion in general. Many Christians and Muslims live in the Middle East or Africa side by side, and do not have problems with religion in schools.

It is each society which must decide how to proceed with this subject, whether allowing separate classes for students of parents who permit religion class or not. Also, the same can be said about some other subjects, or courses, such as sex education or even anthropology. The mother is wrong to think she is alone, when we know that this isn’t a new problem and this is an ongoing debate for the new millennium, which is decades old already.

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The excellent question is who decides which articles make it to the top for the year? Because this article is the same old same old, except from the perspective of a poor mom, who has pulled the heartstrings of many people, and pulled the wool over their eyes in doing so. Many better articles than this in the list, this one however, is not one of my favorites, nor would I have chosen it. “I think this is a woman who was able to manipulate opinion and get a mediocre article published and even rewarded. CNN didn’t do a good job choosing this article, in my opinion.”

But that’s just me.