Why I Raise My Children Without Christmas

This is my response to the article chosen by CNN for the best list in 2013, "Why I Raise My Children Without God".

1. God is not a “bad parent”. He is omniscient, all powerful; He is the Lord of the Worlds.

It is common for western people, and maybe others too around the globe, to compare God to people. But God isn’t a person, nor is He anything like us.

God gave us books, and sent messengers who would teach us right from wrong.

2. God doesn’t tell us to lie. It was the mother who wanted to lie, as she points out. She was the one who was weak and needed to learn that her son can understand and learn; it was her duty to learn how to be strong enough not to lie about her own beliefs. All parents make the mistake in thinking that their children can’t handle things, whether the news about Santa Claus or the fact that millions of children live in poverty or are starving in some parts of the world. Life is tough.

But teaching that she doesn’t believe in God, is her right as her son is hers. Others of course will disagree, but that is basically the law. But it isn’t natural not to believe in God, just the opposite. That being said, I don’t expect that most people will hide their true feelings or beliefs from their young children forever. Eventually, like the mother of the article, they find others also who can share a similar experience. It isn’t any more difficult for atheists to tell what they believe than it is for others. I think this is a woman who was able to manipulate opinion and get a mediocre article published and even rewarded. (CNN didn’t do a good job choosing this article, in my opinion. Many readers said as much, maybe differently than I would)

Racists or Islamophobes also teach their “world view” to their children, but that doesn’t mean that they are right. It just means that they are free to do so.

3. God doesn’t tell us to ignore reality. The woman writes, “How many times have you heard, ‘How did God allow this to happen?’ and the answer is “’It’s not for us to understand’”,  she writes. But the truth is - that is the reaction of many confused believers, agnostics, Christians, or others; not all of the people on earth, though maybe a good deal many.  

Muslims don’t think this way, and maybe Hindus or Buddhists also have a unique perspective. Whatever one believes, blaming God is popular, because that is the idea that has spread, and largely through the fault of Christianity. Christianity teaches that God sacrificed his son, so that we could have eternal life (if we are Christians). Not all religions give us this easy “cop out” or easy way out of our religious responsibilities. Muslims believe that they can also go to “hell” if they don’t believe and act properly according to their religion’s teachings. Or for things like missing prayers, watching improper movies or television, fighting with siblings, and all the things one can think of are considered "bad".

I believe all religions do teach responsibility in day to day activities, however. It is wrong to assume that Christians are not responsible parents or citizens, just because they believe in a savior. It is important to note the difference between their idea of a forgiving God (and a "saviour") and their idea of brotherhood with the commonly "good" outward expressions of their faith (like charity, modesty) which are in themselves justly called admirable.

God doesn’t tell us to be lazy or let bad things happen. When we are able to, we have to take responsibility for our welfare, our children’s’ and neighbors welfare, help our relatives, friends, neighbors, and help out in the community if we can. That is what most religion really focuses on. So it isn’t fair to blame God or religion when people and communities do not take care of their own, or when disasters happen. Sometimes, these are preventable, or we must be ready for any situation, such as natural disasters, on a national scale, and nothing prevents us from doing “good” except our own laziness, or selfishness.

This is a world where God created us to work, not to relax or take it easy; it is His will that we try our best as in a race, to fulfill our duty as the vice-regents on this earth, so that we can earn His pleasure in the next life. In doing good, we are earning points for later, while advancing our good in this life and helping others to advance their goals, too. Life is a struggle, and not a picnic.

Your destiny and your future:

People who believe God should make our lives easy and simple do not understand life and the possibilities. Yes, bad things happen, too. But God doesn’t tell people to hurt other people. People do bad things because they are evil, or they don’t care about others, and so on.

Thus, God doesn’t require or ask us to “abdicate” our responsibilities. No religion should teach such an idea, unfortunately, that is in a way what Christianity and the idea of a “savior” have given the world. No wonder people are confused. It is however very simple minded to blame God for this. It is the people who wrote the book or corrupted the message who are mostly to blame for this situation and despise of God and religion. To be fair, the idea of a savior isn’t the only teaching in Christianity, there are many beneficial and good teachings nothing to do with the central ideology of Christ and the resurrection or (the other) more otherworldly teachings.

4. God isn’t here, no. God is not in this world, or in the universe, but is “above the throne”.

The fact that Allah exists, and does as He wills is enough of a “logical answer”.

What is illogical about suffering? Isn’t it true, if you clumsily allow your hand to touch the hotplate or a fire, that you will burn it and feel the pain? Isn’t it logical, that if you let your child play with toys, he might fall down, or hurt himself, somehow? Isn’t it logical that pollution we cause by burning fossil fuels, or driving our cars, because it is faster than walking to work, is our fault, and not God’s fault. But do we take responsibility for many of our actions? Do we stop flying because it is disastrous for the environment, or do we fly because we want to see our family on holidays, and it is quicker than driving halfway across the country, or travelling by horse and buggy halfway around the world? What is logical isn’t always what the best thing is it?

5. Psychologists teach that if a child is rewarded after he has done good, without any promise of getting rewarded, then the reward is good for him, he realizes that he has done good and gotten a reward. But after a while don’t you think children know that they will get a reward at least sometimes or a nice trip as a “surprise” even though they didn’t ask for or “expect” it. Sure, kids learn fast. But bribing children is wrong, so we don’t give them the reward before they do the thing - that earns the reward - of their own volition. Sometimes parents make mistakes, and they are tired, so they give in to bribery, though they know it’s wrong.

Religions also teach that good has its own reward. It isn’t as if waiting for a lifetime to go to heaven is going to be an immediately gratifying and therefore overwhelmingly attractive offer to young children. We teach them, as religious parents, that God rewards for good, but having to wait a long time will become boring and of course children would then lose interest in doing good – the same could happen to adults, too. This is why all parents, - whether religious or not - teach their children that doing “good” is what is the right thing regardless of what they receive or what it costs them personally. Sometimes doing “good” is costly. Don’t religious people give charity, or alms? Isn’t that money they part with willingly? People teach their kids that there are more important things than money, or owning things, and that sharing, giving, helping out and so on, are all good things, and make us feel good.

The immediate reward is most always something positive, makes us feel happy, and isn’t something tangible. So it is a fallacy to say that God doesn’t teach “good”. Also, religions are basically good, though some of their teachings have been corrupted. Christianity is one in point.

6. As a religious person, I have never once told my children “God has a plan for you”. This woman assumes that all religious people believe and say the same basic things. I think most religious people are well meaning, just as the woman says she is well meaning in not telling her child God exists, because she doesn’t want to lie to him. But it is wrong to assume so many things about all religious people and that all religions teach the same basic things.

We are responsible for our own destinies, to do our best and to expect the best. Yes, God might well have a “plan” as she puts it, but we don’t know what that is, so we are the ones who must decide our destiny and plan our futures. We are our own masters in that sense. That doesn’t seem like narcissism does it?

We strive and then “hope” for the best. Sure, the outcome isn’t always what we would have liked, or the best outcome, but that doesn’t mean God doesn’t know what will happen. He is the all seeing All hearing. That being the case, He answers our prayers “sometimes” in this life, and other times, He promises us better than what we asked for, such as the tremendous rewards for our patience, in the Hereafter, if our lives were not so great, or didn’t work out exactly the way we wanted, so it is the case for most others people. Only a few people never experience great loss or pain in their lives before they leave this earth, and fewer still never lose loved ones in a real “tragedy”. Most people have their share of good and bad times, ups and downs, health and sickness, etc. Most people, until this millennium, have outlived their parents but not their children. At least in the western world. It is interesting then, that it is mostly western atheist people who complain the most about “God not being fair”. Well, they have not seen most of the suffering, which even their own governments have caused, so they should not even dare to mention the “suffering” or what is “fair”, without first taking stock of what they have done to either prevent or reprimand their own government, or challenge the status quo. It is a fact most of the wealth is in the hands of a few, and that no one is forcing atheists either, to see that others be able to share that wealth, or at least refuse industries to pollute in their backyards, while America and others are outsourcing work to poorer countries, etc. Most problems are not something even true atheists can use to point at  and say is any “god’s” fault. It is even hypocritical for them to blame religious people's "god" or "gods" for troubles from murder or genocide, to earthquakes and tsunamis, when these are out of all of our control, and if religious people could prevent these, they would like to just as much as the atheist. It is true, that some things, religious people also blame on atheists or "sinners" anyway. AIDs, or other diseases, or catastrophes.

If being logical is what matters, it is logical that a "god" who is seen by many believers as a "parent" or "angry" might indeed want to destroy much of humanity for its sins. The fact that the same "god" is also "loving" seems contradictory to the atheists or non-believers. But believers often do not have the same problem with this perception. They believe, as Muslims do, that God does what He wills and His decisions are just.

Whether believer or non-believer, each person will have to deal with life and happiness and sorrow often happen to each of us regardless of our outlook or beliefs. Even negative people often experience happiness, and positive people often experience sadness or tragedy. That is the human condition. We are created human, not supermen, nor angels. To expect perfection is stupid, to reach for it is human. We know we can’t be perfect people, and our children can’t be perfect, nor can life be perfect. But, most of us can live with the fact that life is what it is and we are here whether we like it or not. It is better to learn to rely on ourselves, and also trust that friends relatives and our closest loved ones will be there for us, if not, then we already have learned that we must largely rely on ourselves to help ourselves. We have learned that life is really a struggle, and not a picnic.

The meaning of Hope:

Religion does teach us to trust and rely on others. By learning trust, we also learn hope. Hope isn’t just an idea or an intangible, but is something we come to see as real and something we can expect will lead to tangible outcomes.

You have a dream, or a hope, you strive, and then you see, sometimes in the near or a more distant future, the result of hope and trust and striving. That isn’t “believing in ‘nothing’”. That is belief in a - real and immediate sense - in good and in the goodness of the world. The world isn’t all evil or perfect evil doesn’t exist.

Religious people do live in the “here and now”:

Heaven is not meant to be an idea that gives us hope or meaning. It is meant as a reward; likewise Hell is meant as a punishment. The real test is here and now, and the here and now is always the focus of Islam’s teachings. I cannot speak much for other religions. But I don’t think Christianity puts the same emphasis on the here and now as does Islam. I never felt that way as a young person, growing up Christian.

The fact that we can’t see or touch something doesn’t mean it isn’t there. The proof will be in the pudding, but not here and now. It isn’t however something which everyone wants; it is each person’s choice to believe or not to believe. Religions are not forced on people anymore at the point of a sword (and not in Islam), but maybe governments sometimes force schools (or public schools) to teach religions which don’t belong in secular society, or in public institutions. As for Islamic society, what is permitted is also the choice of the rulers or people, their own choice - often a cultural or religious history exists which lends itself to a more accepting attitude toward religion in general. Many Christians and Muslims live in the Middle East or Africa side by side, and do not have problems with religion in schools.

It is each society which must decide how to proceed with this subject, whether allowing separate classes for students of parents who permit religion class or not. Also, the same can be said about some other subjects, or courses, such as sex education or even anthropology. The mother is wrong to think she is alone, when we know that this isn’t a new problem and this is an ongoing debate for the new millennium, which is decades old already.

********

The excellent question is who decides which articles make it to the top for the year? Because this article is the same old same old, except from the perspective of a poor mom, who has pulled the heartstrings of many people, and pulled the wool over their eyes in doing so. Many better articles than this in the list, this one however, is not one of my favorites, nor would I have chosen it. “I think this is a woman who was able to manipulate opinion and get a mediocre article published and even rewarded. CNN didn’t do a good job choosing this article, in my opinion.”

But that’s just me.



The post before the post

I revised this Q/A and will link to an older post on the same kind of discussion; enjoy :)

Abe Lincoln's legacy will be in the next post, insha allah.

Q./A.

Good day Jane, thanks for the reply again. I hope you are well.

<<<

although I am an atheist, I was a Christian for 25 years. This is what Christians believe as well. They believe that God created human beings with the ability to know and love him. If God did do this, then it is expected that he would reveal himself adequately to all human beings, particularly if heaven or hell is on the line. But I don't think that we can say that God has done this. There are billions of people today who believe other things than you do about God/Allah. There are billions of people who have lived previously who have believed in the spirits and polytheism. What humans believe about the gods is complex and not totally understood, but it can certainly be said that the most important determinant in this is culture; when and where a person was born.

I also have some experience with the Mormons. One day after they gave me their book, I decided to read. After finishing, I found nothing to make me believe that this was the prophetic word of God. When I told them this in a follow-up appointment, they asked me if I had prayed to God while reading to reveal to me if it was true. I came to understand that these people had had a religious experience where they were confident that this book was inspired by God. I have had my own religious experiences as a Christian that convinced me that Christianity was the true religion. These types of experiences are common to all human beings and I am sure that some pagans had the same experience regarding Zeus, Thor, and Shiva.

It’s also quite bizarre to think that everything that happens is according to God's will. There are 9 million children that die every year before the age of five, before they had ever had a chance to formulate any solid beliefs about a deity. And millions of human beings have died before birth as a result of spontaneous miscarriage. Hundreds of millions of other humans are born with congenital brain defects, so hardly can be expected to formulate correct beliefs about God.

to my mind, these facts are inconsistent with a God that wants to have a relationship with human beings, but quite consistent with religion being a human phenomenon. It is unreasonable to believe that human beings who follow other religions are deliberately being wicked. There certainly are some frauds out there, but the majority of regular people are earnest in their belief. They are not deliberately rejecting Allah and the Prophet; they have just come to believe other things.

it seems quite clear to me, that this world is not governed by any divine will, but by cold impersonal mindless physical forces. This beautifully explains all phenomena in the world from tsunamis, floods, drought, the plague, malaria, birth defects, a world governed by survival of the fittest and dominated by survival of the strongest, the diversity of life. And suffering. IMHO, a loving deity who wants a relationship with human individuals does not.

. <<

my point about the four witnesses is that we have better ways to determine whether adultery occurred. It is not a very practical requirement for adultery because it's almost never going to happen. It is more likely that a rich spouse hired 4 witnesses. In addition three reliable witnesses could be enough. Why not five witnesses?

Finally stoning to death is a horrific punishment for adultery. There are many people who have committed adultery who have reformed themselves to become valuable citizens in the world. My best friend was one of them. If he had been stoned to death his two children and wife would've missed out on a great provider, husband and father. He was suffering his psychological issues at the time when he was in his early 20s.

My point about rape was that Islam has difficulty deciding what rape is. There are many people claiming to know Islamic jurisprudence on this who feel that sometimes the woman is responsible, at least partly, if she is inadequately accompanied or dressed. Apparently Islam feels that men are barbarians and cannot resist women.

Reply – many non-Muslims also say things like this, it doesn’t mean it is okay for a man to commit rape, and most Muslims know that rape isn’t justified because the woman is not properly dressed; many rapists are non-Muslims, I’d say more than likely most are non-Muslims. India at the moment has a big problem with gang rape; the question is obvious – why is it happening? Are all men "barbarians" after all?It seems men there regard women as objects, and many men may well be affected by drugs, alcohol, pornography, and so on. If they are not able to marry or have sex with women, they resort to rape, because it is a gang activity, I doubt it is a group psychosis, but a group activity which has gained acceptance among youth or men there. Obviously, the society has many ills if this is the case.)

in my country, rape is not very common. The vast majority of women live their lives never experiencing it. I think it is far more prevalent in poor countries, like India and Pakistan. Not sure how much rape is reported in some countries and as I said before, we can always make rape very unlikely by chaining women to their homes, but that would[not] increase the quality of lives for women. The vast majority of Western women value their freedom and the ability to make their own decisions.

Reply – Stu, you said you are from America or the west? Where do you actually live and call home, then, because rape happens every five minutes or even more than that in America. I think you are not telling me the whole truth…? I believe it was also, Stu, but I could be mistaken who said his wife was at the Boston Marathon or nearby, when the explosion happened!) Allah knows better than I.

<<

<<

Actually, when you read the saying, it illustrates that the Prophet was telling men, if they beat their wives they shouldn't sleep with them, which is like a deterrent.<<<<< I

These two above statements reveal to me that you believe that the man has authority over the woman. Do you think men have some sort of special knowledge and moral authority to dictate to women how they should dress? Are women so inferior that they need a man to tell her, with authority to beat her if she doesn't comply?

1) Yes, man has a responsibility to care for and protect his woman, or wife or daughters. 2) I was obviously speaking about the past (that men should beat their wives; is something not done by regular Muslim men anymore, which I speak about elsewhere, probably I mentioned this to him , so I'll check the details of other emails), which is 1400 years ago, if you would pay closer attention when reading, you wouldn’t be asking this question; I am a self-respecting and good woman, therefore, I do take care to dress modestly and believe many women would do so, if they believed it was for their own good; problem is many women believe it is beneficial to dress provocatively, though it is 2013, so they can find a companion who will love them; this is the wrong approach, but they think it will work. Women are raised from childhood to believe that their looks are the most important thing when it comes to finding love. Society also encourages women by the magazines, advertising, fashion shows, etc. to like to dress in the latest fashions and spend their earnings on clothing and makeup, and accessories, so they can be trendy and this will compensate for their feelings of ugliness, shortcomings in appearance or skills, etc. Many women are not following the crowd and are brainy enough to shun at least some of the unnecessary and frivolous spending on new clothing and instead care about more important matters. They also would seem to have more self-respect and dignity than someone who needs to seek approval from others. There are Western women who boycott products or companies they believe exploit women in sexually suggestive ways, or abuse workers (e.g. Calvin Klein becasue of its ads, is sometimes boycotted by individual women, others which employ girls in sweat shops). 3) “No” men don’t have “some sort of special knowledge” and I can’t imagine what you think that I or anyone would think that would be?? Women and men both have their duties to family, society and God. They will also be equally rewarded for their good deeds. There isn’t a huge movement among Muslim women to have the Quran changed, because they understand that Islam says they are equal in the sight of God and before the law. Women wear hijab (the Islamic clothing, a long outer garment or hijab and cover their hair with a veil, not out of fear of the husband, but in obedience to God, who demands it; if they don’t, no one should force them, or abuse them in any case. There are many uncovered women in GCC and also many covered women. Many women have grandmothers who didn’t cover in their youth, but their mothers began to cover and now they also may or may not cover; it is their choice. In Saudi Arabia and Iran women cover as per their government’s laws. In France women don’t wear niqaab as it is banned. Therefore, it is also governments which dictate the type of hijab. Even non-Muslims now can tell women how they should dress, which is definitely not a sign of absolute freedom of choice, either. Whether the government is Islamic or applies some of the sharia, or is a secular or democratic government, women are finding that they are being forced to demand their freedom of choice and conscience. All the power and God’s help to them, I say. Note that in Saudi Arabia, actually, not all women are forced to keep on the face veil, though it is something the government prefers (and it is the law - which is sometimes ignored) women do, as they are asked to abide by sharia law (almost but not quite in every area of life). No non-Muslims are permitted to enter Mecca, but other than that, they are free to travel the Kingdom, with visas. It is as other countries concerned with security so people are required to have jobs and place of employment or a valid reason for being in the Kingdom, or they can be expelled. One might see Americans as well as Indonesians or Chinese living and working in Saudi Arabia, and they do so with respect for the law in most cases.

[A famous female who works in television in Riyadh does not cover, this shows that she is not being abused because she is not covering though she knows it is the law. She also says she is intelligent and understands Islam, therefore the reason for her lack of face veil and the reason for her makeup and hair (she partly covers her hair only) is that she prefers to dress and behave in a manner against the Sharia. Yet she accuses the Sheikh of being extremist and against the rights of women. She should not defend her tendency to exaggerate the govt's crimes against her, when she is able to do so on national television and was not in any way abused (prior to her statements; in the video on YouTub). Whether or not she is still alive is for the audience to answer, I have no interest in the question or her campaign against sharia.]

<<

well indeed, some of the topics might be irrelevant. I'm not sure that slavery today is irrelevant in the Muslim world. There are some countries in the world that claim to be based on sharia who have not outlawed slavery. It is strange to me that God would condone slavery by giving rules for its management if he knew that ultimately these rules would be irrelevant. Slavery has become irrelevant in most of the world because all humans have come to understand that slavery is abhorrent. Concubinage and, for the most part polygamy, have also become irrelevant for the same reasons.

********

Allah permitted slavery in His wisdom, but He revealed to the prophet on many occasions the great reward for freeing slaves. It was also forbidden to make a free person a slave as per the prophet Muhammad’s saying (revise – find direct quote). Yes, it is absolutely the case that all people have come to see that it is a practice of past ages, and most communities, who are modern don’t even think about slavery anymore, because it is so far from our idea of equality and human brotherhood. Islam definitely had something to do with the almost complete eradication of slavery; as I mention, people in the more modern Islamic countries still today express interest to free the remaining slaves in such countries as Sudan or Nigeria, where people often live in desert tribes, away from modern life. It is likely some slave owners are Christians.There are hardly slaves in the cities or towns anymore, though one might be able to find some (How many? I can’t honestly say I know, nor do I think anyone knows, but maybe there is someone who can study this; it would be a worthwhile endeavor for some Islamic nations to do so, maybe one day, they will allot resources to this question). We realize that even Saudi Arabia is not a perfect model of an Islamic nation, and while some people claim that leaders such as Ghaddafi promoted women’s rights in their own country, it isn’t the case, but a false understanding of what he was actually promoting, which was the disrespect and enslavement of women (and men) to his ideology (a kind of socialism). He imprisoned many innocent men and even women and boys, therefore how could it be claimed that he was “elevating” women or promoting “women’s rights”? Nonetheless, Islam encourages freeing of slaves, people free slaves voluntarily or others pay to have the slaves released (pay the price of the slave to the Sayyid (master). There was never a racist attitude in Islam however, and slaves were not only black people. Therefore, it was an economic and societal norm (which was slowly changing) and freedom for slaves necessitated understanding of Islamic teachings; this knowledge spread very far and in the epicenter there were fewer slaves than at any time in history when the Prophet died and the love for his Sunnah meant that people continued to free slaves all the time. Perhaps in some countries this didn’t progress as fast and with the fall of the Islamic Empire, though there was slave trading by Christians (which continued even to the last century in a Westward movement, to America, which was also “necessity” because the slaves helped build the country and were used as cheap labor, etc. their humanity was questioned, and only until very recently in the West the law stated that black person is only 3/5 of a white person. The government (not the Bible) probably along with some encouragement from religious leaders taught that because the bible says that God put a mark on the son of Adam who killed his brother, eg. Cane killed Abel, which was taught in some circles or churches as the origin of black people. Muslims were forbidden from racism, racist remarks or racist attitudes and hatred of people based on race (xenophobia, etc.). No doubt this is in part why Muslims had no animosity or thoughts of enslavement because of race. In Arabia race wasn’t a factor in enslavement, but wars and the capture and necessary development of a system (long ago) necessitated that tribes and societies find a way to deal with their war captives without necessitating killing all the men and boys. People in communities must have thought of the need to use bonds such as chains, and if necessary beating with whips to discipline incompliant or disobedient slaves. Women were easier to control than men because they are weak, and obviously men liked to use women for sex, so that was also part of the social order in many societies long ago. One wonders how people in societies without slavery managed to defeat their enemies and avoid enslaving them. Did they kill almost all their enemies? Did they prefer to let them go after paying money? Or did they have to kill them because there was no other option, and their enemies would sooner or later come back to fight them again, with stronger more determined forces? Or did they make peace with their enemies so that there was no need for retaliation on either side, and how did they accomplish this? I can try to imagine what people long ago would have considered before either agreeing to enslave their enemies or to make peace with them. Even the environmental conditions, whether there was food enough for different tribes or nations (as in American Indian and Canadian native societies long ago, different “nations” or “clans” and “tribes” often differed or competed for food and grazing land, etc) It was probably a matter of survival that they didn’t take slaves but probably killed most of their enemies; maybe they also killed most of the women and children, which is the popular idea we have of turmoil in the “old west” between Indians and white people, and what occurred between many different native Indian groups (tribes or nations).

I definitely have no arguments (which justify) (for) slavery today (in most places) though, it is just that from a purely historical and anthropological perspective I can understand it much better than if I were to merely judge people - whether ancient or modern (modern in the sense that they exist today).

We don’t equate slavery of women with polygamy. It isn’t true that all people agree that polygamy is “abhorrent”, that is your own feeling and belief. Many women today accept polygamy, and I know some. They are happy as co-wives and I have even sat and visited with them, and gone camping with women who were co-wives. Something “abhorrent” would be unnatural, and polygamy isn’t unnatural, despite your dislike of it. You come from a Western or Christian background, so it seems strange and even a hateful practice, but that is your personal feeling and belief, others do not and shouldn’t have to live life exactly as you do, nor accept your personal likes and dislikes as their own; where is the freedom of choice which Westerners and Europeans always speak about? Where is the sincerity and humility? You say your best friend committed adultery and you forgive that, but you cannot understand why some societies and people prefer marriage (which is often a religious covenant and very serious and entered with necessary forethought and care.) There are also times when women prefer their husband to have another wife, whether you can find this even remotely possible or not. The Prophet taught that women and men should take care of their bodies’ cleanliness, to shower after sexual intercourse and to respect lovemaking as a God-given right for both spouses to enjoy, to fulfill their natural desires. Polygamy, like all marriage isn’t something dirty which brings to mind images of sexual perversion or abuse. Many in the west will shake their heads at Muslims or other polygamous groups, but easily fall into adultery, fornication, homosexuality, prostitution, orgies, wife swapping and other sinful, hateful, dangerous or perverted acts. Please don’t talk down to me, it is very annoying. You are not “forceful” you are a very biased individual, as you say “biased”. At times, you contradict yourself.

When you say Muslims have "progressed" do you mean that they have become morally superior to the Quran?

“No” they are not superior in their faith, general ideas, beliefs or actions to the early Muslims nor do they have any other teaching or belief system which is superior to the Qur’an; their “progress” is the same progress which most nations and tribes have gone through, e.g. they have learned to give others their due rights, to respect individuality, to be patient in adversity, to live side by side with others in peace, they follow the laws of the land whether founded on religious or secular laws (e.g. in the GCC there are Islamic family courts, and also secular courts, because not all residents use the Islamic courts and also, secular laws don’t necessarily contradict most of the sharia(Islamic law) such as laws against stealing, drugs, trafficking, rape, physical assault, littering, disrupting the peace, violent protest, etc.) There has been scientific progress, much of it long ago, in the Muslim lands, and now the Ummah (community) is in a state of limbo, with little developments (in science or humanities) for a long time, but there is some signs of small (and also bigger) movements to “environmental protection” as you asked, and other areas of development, social welfare, women’s rights, health and education, which is an ongoing concern, since schools opened in most GCC countries in the 1920’s or so. Christian communities also spread to the GCC from neighboring countries (their homes) and have grown and have their own community and activities. I mention also the support of community groups, such as the Indian groups or the Irish expatriates for their support of the King’s handling of the crisis during the “Arab spring” and protests which turned violent in Bahrain due to the extremism of some of the local people.

The rights of others are an ongoing question, which unlike slavery is always in some state of flux, while slavery has diminished in numbers for centuries. Human rights continues to be an area of concern or interest in general; most countries have some laws which some of the people are in contest with e.g. they want changes to them. It is natural to have conflicts within society as well as with other nations. The important thing to keep in mind is to respect others right to self-determination, that some societies will develop more slowly, and the world has a restricted right to intervene, especially considering that there is a lot of power in the hands of a few. Good should be clear from evil, if nations overstep the clear limits, as defined by modern laws in respect to human rights, then something has to be done; what is done depends on factors (all of which I’m not completely familiar with as a non-expert); the ability for the nation to comply, the situation on the ground, and any number of other considerations. Is it right to immediately invade a country because there is a suspicion that it has nuclear weapons? Is it okay to bomb civilian populations to root out terrorists in another country, considering that the terrorists are far away and no immediate danger? If there are signs or suspicious movements, when and where do you attack the enemy? Etc.

Besides international terrorism, what other significant problems are there, and why does terrorism get the most attention? There is child labor, can we tackle that question as nations and how do we get nations or companies which break the law, to comply with the modern and acceptable ideas of what is permissible, as far as children and work? What about the minimum wage? Do we dictate to other countries what the minimum wage should be, or is that a completely internal matter? How can nations do better to eradicate drugs trafficking and human trafficking? Why did the USA’s “war on drugs” fail? These are just a few of the very important issues nations need to think harder about and come up with solutions. If in an age when slavery was common, yet people began to see it as an evil, especially if racism or sexism was involved, why blame Muhammad, pbuh, for the timing? It is the way the world is; some people, merely due to the environment and their geographical position, e.g. the Sahara or Antarctica might have different ideas of what is right and wrong - maybe it is too hot and dry or too cold and wet to think about anything but how one will find food for the day or mend his house? Modern nations have a much greater responsibility to the rest of the world than did the earlier peoples and nations.(This is the answer to why God left in place a system which later on (much later, in America, they adopted slavery when there wasn't any on the entire continent; there was war and massacres, but no slavery)would be "irrelevant"; slavery hardly exists today, in practise and numbers; of seven billion ppl how many are slaves?  It is amazing that modern men or women who sit for hours in front of their entertainment centers can lob twenty questions about why a man 14 centuries ago didn’t eradicate slavery or amend marriage laws (actually, in some respects, he did both) and completely forbid it forever (because he was doing what God told him to) and yet, they have no qualms about buying coffee from Starbucks and equipment from Caterpillar. You’ve had since world war II to do something about Israel’s’ racism in the Middle East, but what have you done and how long will it take before you realize something has to be done? You want a deity who wants a relationship with you, will come down? God dictates the relationship; He sent a book, which you refuse to examine open-mindedly despite the proofs it contains, then you also reject God even though you once believed, merely because people changed the contents of the book you had e.g. the Bible, or because people are not living up to the dictates of their religion? You are like a child who doesn’t know how to think for himself and ask why about everything; try to formulate some theories of your own that can explain why slavery was or wasn’t abolished forever, 1400 years ago, or something logical (not emotional) about why men are or are not permitted to marry more than one wife. If people have anything new or original to bring to the table, I’ll gladly examine it, as for old prejudices and racist rants, I’m not going to entertain such questions. People can see my videos, comments and read the blog. If you have a question, be considerate of the wording and tone of your question/message or I will ignore it. – I admit sometimes I’m tempted not to ignore such questions, but it is better if I do.

I realize quite well and often vividly (my imagination is good) how people react to Islam’s set of laws, Quranic statement, historical events, and present day Muslims, including the extremism, but I don’t think people who believe differently from Muslims have to change. They have the right and free will, which Allah gave them, to do as they like and believe as they believe. But that doesn’t change my belief that everyone on this earth has the ability to know God/Allah, and that they just have to use their minds and listen to their hearts. That can be qualified; if their minds are closed and their hearts are full of enmity towards Muslims, so that they don’t want to listen, and refuse knowledge, then it is their own fault. I don’t call that Allah’s will - that is their own determination to reject Islam and the Quran. They “will themselves” to reject God, He is always open to their belief in Him. If they just pray for guidance He will definitely guide them, but they shouldn’t pray asking Him to guide them to something which they will only agree with for a little while, because in the future, they will likely figure out (if that isn’t what Allah sent - the guidance He expects all people to follow, not something that claims to be from Him, but is falsehood), and then they won’t find what Allah has destined for them not to find (because they asked for something and prayed for something which He didn’t send). Pray only to be guided to the truth, not a specific religion (other than Islam, which is the truth; though you don’t have to call it by name, you can if you want to) People often are certain that what they believe is the truth, but “there is only one truth” – for certain, one is truly astray when one believes in a falsehood, only a claim to truth.

Nonmuslims complain about immigration today, but there was a time, we vividly imagine it in books like Roots, when the west with Europe and the Arabs earned wealth by transporting and selling black people as slaves to the Americas; literally forcing them to go there, out of complete disregard for their wishes, or even families. They were, before that, free and made slaves. This is one of the practices of old which Islam prohibited – Muhammad, pbuh, said, “………………[editing] ….”

(I must apologize here for not providing a proper quote, it is just that I have many books, but don't know where the hadith/saying I am looking for can be found, if any Muslims (or even non-Muslim) reader can help I would really appreciate it, until I find it I am searching. [I had previously asked for help from an Islamic website, but they turned me down, becasue they only help people (non-Muslims) with dawa; I thought, I'm kind of qualified for their help, but they denied me, oh well...] I will take a break after the next Post, then I will have time to fix some of the missing references or indirect quotes, which need to be direct quotes, etc.(despite the previous setback, I have now found a female scholar willing to help me with islamic knowledge, and references, etc.)   Unfortunately too, I can't do much better as far as the look of the blog, no expertise there!)

DD

RE: Email about Islam, my response - 1

I'll try to be shorter than you, lol,

 Does Islam Permit Discrimination or Oppression?
Does Islam Permit Discrimination or Racism?

the Quran and Shariah still apply, is all I said. It is flexible but we don't arbitaririly change laws; as long as something isn't forbidden we don't make it forbidden, and something is impermissible, we don't make it permissible. There is a lot of room to live comfortably without fear of oppression in Islam. (Revised)

It is okay for scholars or Muslims to disagree, but only people educated in Fiqh and such can make rulings, they must be proper scholars. Once we have rulings, we can apply in our lives, and we understand that sometimes there is a difference of opinion as well, and we don't necessarily pick and choose, but we are better advised (by scholars) to use prudence, stick with a good scholar or the group of scholars we trust and whose advise and rulings make the most sense to us.

We can't make up our own rulings because we aren't qualified. That's how we can get on with our lives, otherwise we wouldn't sometimes know what is okay to do, etc.

I am talking about important and mundane things, too. For example, there are all topics which get discussed, questions of all kinds are asked, and we need guidance.

I don't think in any society most people just do whatever they feel like without at least knowing that if they do somehting that is not acceptable to the society at least, that they wouldn't be punished or have some consequences to pay. Laws or rules are everywhere, no matter what country.

We all choose how to live and what to abide by. That's why I don't really believe in preaching, but only telling how I think things are. I believe shariah is basically the same since Muhammad, pbuh, and i am glad that it doesn't have to change, so I know what I do to keep within guidelines of the religion.

Slavery was not forbidden completely because of the age in which Islam was revealed, but the Prophet greatly encouraged to let slaves free, which people did a lot, and also his "sunnah" is what we do. Also, the most backwards nations are the ones where ppl still have slaves, not in the ME. This is why if Muslims commit a grave sin, or want reward they are told by scholars here to buy the freedom of slaves in those nations, e.g. in Africa, etc. Sudan still has some, and some others, I don't know exact places.

Just as you have laws in your country, whether secular or religious, (secular in your case) so I have laws I must abide by, and I have accepted that,not blindly but willingly.

I don't think Jews or Christians should have power over anybody, except if they are in their own countries, but what does that mean? You make it sound pretty sinister. And Muslims do okay in their own countries, which is why many good things exist in our societies, even though a lot has changed to bring evil, too e.g. internet is one thing. As I said, everywhere there can be freedom, development can happen, and cooperation or coexistence. We have many non-Muslims in Muslim countries who are pleased to be here. It is sad that there are many who may be oppressed in some spheres of life, or are unhappy. Many Muslims also are having difficulties, due to poverty, sickness, or wars, and oppression, in many countries, even in the West (in recent years).

Muslims had been much fairer in the past to the People of the Book than many people give them credit for. Esp. because we do know what happened to the Jews in Europe when Christians took over. So I don't agree that Christians or Jews can do any better in fact.In time we will see more clearly how the secular governments may also falter if they do not regain their standing as people who believe in and promote human rights and freedoms for all. I believe (about Muslims now) the opposite than what has occured (with the downfall of islamic countries) will eventually happen, and Muslims will in their own way be able to elevate themselves to show a more positive face and more positive outcomes.

Does Islam Permit Discrimination or Oppression?
Islam forbade racism.

Women's Rights In Islam

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kh80uGHOzHg

This link is from brother Idris Tawfiq, a marvelous and educated Muslim man. This video (like a commercial)  is very casual, you see him relaxing at the beach, his entourage, who encouraged him to do the video (there will be more, insha allah), are his camera crew and travelling partners.


He says, "Islam is gentle and sweet". "Muslims would love people to ...see the real Islam...not a caricature."

He encourages Muslims to "let people see how beautiful Islam is", "the natural religion of mankind". "people will learn about Islam by our good example", he says.
The video, is short but enjoyable.
 
Idris Tawfiq is an Irish Muslim and ambassador living in Egypt.



Enjoy... to Idris, God bless you.

@comments

@Greenapple
 to you, hope you read this:

I encourage you to go to my blog. I often speak about the things being discussed by me in comments. There is more time and space in a blog post than there is in a small comment on YouTube. This is my email Diamondraw4Real@gmail.com.

If you have anything to add, or later send me your perspective on things, you're welcome. I find your attitude to Muslims (surprise, I'm Muslim!) kind of a downer. You sound brainwashed to me. I was born in Canada, and grew up Christian; my parents were very strict. I believe Islam is the truth. I know why ppl think the Qur'an tells Muslims to kill Christians, but that's not true. However, there is always going to be conflict. I rather there wouldn't be, but that is the nature of the world.

The Qur’an exhorts Muslims to strive in killing; to cut off, or amputate the enemy’s hands, or hit their necks. This is combat training, not “murder”. As soldiers in Afghanistan should know, the whole country is like a war zone, anytime they are going in they should beware of the ‘enemy’; yet they should also, not go into villages with the attitude that ever Afghan is an “enemy combatant”. They are the ones who came (voluntarily) halfway across the world, to “smoke out” bin Laden, and the rest of the terrorists. That doesn’t give them a free hand to do whatever they like in a sovereign country, even if they don’t agree with the religious or cultural practices of the majority of the people living there. I don’t agree with the attitudes expressed in the media that somehow these volunteer soldiers are anything than wholly responsible for maintaining a high level of professionalism. There should be no excuses for “bad apples”, no matter how miserable a situation they find themselves in. They signed up for “war” not a day at the beach. As such they should follow the rules (and military laws) in every situation, every task.

There are many aspects in Islam which non-Muslims don't get. You have to be Muslim to understand.Many people would consider me fundamentalist (my practice varies from day to day), but it only causes more confusion when ppl label others. You never know who is behind the veil, or the beard, that's for sure. But don't be spooked, most Muslims I've been around are normal ppl. Not all of them practice like me; maybe some are more "modern" than I am.

(Then also, some are more toward extremist; that means, they are doing some things wrong; like their preaching becomes very tough on other Muslims; some of them think, for example that Muslims like them (they pray on time, and follow the rules strictly, which is good, but they judge others more)shouldn’t supplicate in a certain form (say, “God bless you” for example) if one of the other Muslims who isn’t so strict about prayers, etc. but is not very bad, does something like give up a seat on the bus for him, he won’t say “God bless you” like he would for a Muslim like himself. The fact is, those guys have some wrong things in their ‘beliefs’ which makes them act this way.

Yet, they consider themselves Salafi, as I consider myself Salafi. It’s just the degrees to which we comply in some duties probably does vary. Some people pray at night, some people don’t. It’s not an obligation, but it was the “way” of the Prophet and his companions to do so. Many people wish they could pray at night, although they just haven’t gotten in the habit. Everything is usually a habit, or not. Most Muslims will also eat store-bought products instead of making from scratch, which some people think is wrong, because they believe that most of those product s probably have pork derivatives in them. I’ve taken readymade cake, from a shop, which is made in the stores kitchen, yet certain people still think it is not “halaal” enough. I would say they are being ‘cautious’ and I don’t mind, but I don’t want them to think badly of me for eating those things, either. But these same Muslims don’t mind buying phones for their kids, (maybe not a blackberry) or using internet for their work. (of course they panic if they get email with “haram” content, but then they usually have “computer savvy” friends, too, who will volunteer their time to help them out.) Many of their friends are professionals; esp. lots of doctors of medicine attend Islamic lectures, probably not surprisingly, because they are very caring and God-conscious (among the population) for the most part.

I consider myself a “practicing” Muslim, but here I am on the internet along with so many others. I don't believe we are being left behind. We are just a little slower, in some countries, because of lack of resources, sometimes. I am told Libya doesn't have internet everywhere, but I have spoken to relatives (in-laws) on Skype from Sirte or Bengazi, so it goes to show...

Any lack of education, modernity, or advances we are lagging in, may soon be just a think (or thing) of the past because soon there will be more Muslims from Western nations, either born Muslims; second generation, third generation, or newly converted Muslims, who will bring those things into the “tribe”.

My greater worry is that Muslims will not advance as much in their outlook on life (life is just “enjoyment for a time”) their duties to God and people, their duties to Muslims, their responsibilities to preach Islam in the best way. I’m afraid Muslims will not learn Islam properly, or else, if they are knowledgeable, they won’t put into practice their Islamic knowledge. Allah has warned us against ignorance as well as arrogance.

Sincerely wishing you a good day, D,J.

From Here to Eternity - Women - Part Two

-          The non-Muslim complains that women’s flirtations will be minimized, or non-existent or she will never be able to leave her husband for another man, if he is abusing her. This is very absurd on the surface, but if studied more in depth reveals unfounded criticism of Islam’s treatment of women…. How so?

Well, it suggests that men and women only marry to abuse or hate one another. In fact, the opposite is more than certain the reality. Men and women, in the short engagement period that precedes the marriage, usually find that they enjoy each other’s company, and find each other attractive. If the engagement lasts as long as one year, what is often the case these days, there is ample opportunity for either party to a marriage to quit because of “cold feet”. I’ve heard this happen more than once, in our circles of friends and acquaintances. In this situation, no harm is no foul.

Non-Muslims inevitably return to the scripted story of “unrequited love” which is an old idea (not necessarily only a Western one).There is a touch of the amoral, unknown danger, an evil villain, or conflict and the climax, or a resolution, such as the poor girl finding love and then tragically dying (suicide, or consumption are good for a tragic ending). Think Romeo and Juliette, or King Lear’s daughter, who though loving her father to death, literally, her love for her father is unrequited; one of those situations known in psychology which means she will never be able to love another man, or have a happy marriage. Contrast this to Islam, which honors the father daughter relationship, which requires men to treat their children whether male of female with equality. This means not favoring one child over another with more attention or material things.

 Non-Muslims often will discuss love and marriage of Muslims as something which must be against all social norms seen in other cultures. Much the way they see the relationship between fathers and daughters in Islamic or Middle Eastern or Asian cultures. Like their saying, “Muslim women are forced to marry someone they don’t want”.  I remember a program on television, which delved into the subject of Muslims’ marriages, including some insight into how Muslims go about finding someone to love. One man’s story told how he used to watch a woman (who would be completely covered in her Islamic dress) every day on her way to work, or school for six months. Even though he couldn’t see her, he might perhaps have known something about her or her family. Eventually, they did start some kind of conversation. This is obviously not going to be a typical story, in that it is often the family who encourage and arrange meetings between men and women seeking a marriage partner. In this case, though I don’t remember well, I think the man, and even maybe the woman were both mature, at an age where they should already have at least been seriously occupied with the task of who to marry. Rightly or wrongly, there are many ways for couples to meet and decide on marriage. The correct Islamic boundaries are well known, that men and women are never to be alone, for example. This is why even couples who are perhaps not so serious about Islam will at least put up a façade of socially acceptable behavior in public.

I discussed in Part One how previously married women have more right to conduct their own affairs. Even Saudi Arabia recognizes that mature women have more right over their own person, which is why the government has no qualms about giving women over fifty visas for entry to perform their religious duties, such as greater or lesser pilgrimage, or allowing them to travel without Mahram men.  Instead these women travel in groups of other women, to perform their Hajj or Umrah. The government still retains a sense of “parental protection” over all Muslim women, but believes that chances are that nothing untoward or even dangerous is likely to happen when many women are travelling in a group. These women generally will be past the usual age for marriage or sexual exploitation.

Also, women are permitted by Islam to reside in their own homes, if they own a home, or a domicile, whether someone or herself is paying the expense for her. Newly divorced women must wait three periods before they can return to their father’s home, or should be allowed to remain in their husbands’ home so as to determine if she is with child, or not. This is the case of women who are divorced with a chance for reconciliation. If the divorce is a final or third divorce, then the divorce is of the irrevocable type, and she can do as she wishes, either returning to her father, or in her own place. The treatment to women should in any case be kind, as mentioned in the Qur’an, because they have at one time been a married couple sharing the same bed. It becomes the duty of her male relatives to provide for her, if she has no husband.

In practice, many women do travel alone, and even some girls travel alone to other countries, but with friends, or to their relatives in another country. Some travel for school to European cities, or America or Canadian Universities, etc. Women who have studied are not afraid of anything, or meeting any challenge. They are completely free, in terms of life choices, and even in many Muslim majority countries, they are often times socially liberal. But this is none to do with Islam. Yes, Islam does encourage women’s education, just as it encourages men’s education. Islam does encourage women’s freedom as much as it encourages men’s freedom, but there are differences. Some Muslim women exert a lot of influence in their societies, which is much like what life was in pre-Islamic Arabian culture.

Just as the Qur’an stipulates who men and women can marry, it also stipulates, when, how and why. In other areas, such as education, Muslim women don’t feel anymore that they can’t study science or medicine. They are much like Western women in terms of their goals and aspirations. And many non-Muslim women might secretly envy Muslim women for the rights that they do have in Islam. Islam never sanctioned bad treatment of women. There is sufficient proof of this in the Qur’an and Islamic traditions.
http://www.idristawfiq.com/

Quran,] 2:235]

“There is no blame upon you for that which you] indirectly] allude concerning a proposal to women or for what you conceal within yourselves. Allah knows that you will have them in mind. But do not promise them secretly except for saying a proper saying.”

Quran,] 2:236]

“There is no blame upon you if you divorce women you have not touched or specified for them an obligation] dowry]”

Qur’an,] 2:237]

”And if you divorce them before you have touched them and you have already specified for them an obligation, then give half of what you specified – unless they forego the right or the one in whose hand is the marriage contract forgoes it. And to forego it is nearer to righteousness. And do not forget graciousness between you. Indeed Allah, of whatever you do, is Seeing.”

Women's Dress and Modesty

• RedShirt77 Practices of "modesty". As disproportionately applied to women are a practice designed to limit the sexual options of women. In societies where men are often the economic drivers it prevents women from forming even minimally flirtatious of relationships with men that might be alternatives should their primary love interest turn out to be abusive or mistreat them. Its common in patriarchal societies, particularly those that are religiously orthodox and/or allow polygamy. forgive me if I don't stand up to applaud the "modernization" of the practice of treating women like a sports car you keep under a cover to keep the neighbors from coveting it.

From a website and comments there about how the market for hiijab and “wrappings” for Muslim women are invariably turning into another source of discomfit for women, who do not want to be exploited, as objects, so others (even Muslim businesses) can make money.

I disagree with the comment above from that discussion, because it is not (as the non-Muslim believes) that the society insists on the women to be covered (although Saudi Arabia does), but that women choose to cover for religious reasons. Hiijab is first and foremost a religious duty, ordained by Allah in the Qur’an.

As for women’s “sexual options/promiscuity” being hindered, that’s exactly one of the results. If only some of the Muslim women cover and others don’t; esp. if those uncovering are wearing less and less modest clothing, what happens is that the same problems in the West with promiscuity, fornication, adultery, dating, date rape, and the list goes on, will happen to Muslims to the same degree it happens presently in non-Muslim countries. That would be a downward moral spiral, not a good thing, nor “freedom of choice”. Muslim women and men generally don’t want that.

Hiijab is not only to protect from harassment of a sexual nature, or cover the woman wearing the hiijab, but to protect the general society from these real dangers. I find this nothing short of a miracle, in this day and age.

For women who have been married, and then divorced or widowed, there is more freedom (her right to seek a spouse, not a boyfriend) than there is for the virgin girls. Mature women (those who have been previously married is the idea here), have the right to marry anyone of their choosing of the category of permissible men; Muslim, responsible age, similar interests and level of education,body type, and any other criteria she believes will help her to choose a compatible husband are all reasonable considerations.

As for the virgin women (or “girls”; a commonly used expression in Arab Muslim societies) they are given the choice to accept or reject the proposal of anyone within the category of permissible youth/men. “And her acceptance is her silence”, while her rejection must be said aloud, as clearly stated in the traditions.

- DD

http://www.youtube.com/user/DiscoverIslamTV